Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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