The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
