She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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