my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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