she was so not down for the gang bang
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
