I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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