i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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