I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
