their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
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Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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