if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
smell my finger.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
