hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
