yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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