Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
