you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
try to milk me bitch
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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