if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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