I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
