sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
