hotel room ftw
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize