You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize