my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ladies don't puke and tell
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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