Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
is that a dick in a sweater?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
