for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
