hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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