As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
