How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
