I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
