Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
