if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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