Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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