Soap is not a condiment
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize