I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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