2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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