youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
