That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
