dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
