once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize