You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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