It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
