just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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