I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
