So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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