I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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