i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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