Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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