alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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