Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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