do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
