Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
