whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This beer is not sobering me up at all
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
