The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
