cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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