so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
