I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
