i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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