i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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