i wish starbucks made bloody marys
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
