oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
