Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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